I did it again. I stopped taking photographs. I stopped blogging. I stopped being creative.
I live my life trying to balance on a see-saw. One end is the creative photographer. The side where I make crafty things from Pintrest and try to cook. The other end is my serious job. My job where I wear a suit, sit in a windowless office, listen to news shows, study polling data, and spend a lot of time with spreadsheets.
I love both sides of my life but sometimes they feel conflicted. I worry that if my colleagues got to know the creative side of me, they would see me as less professional. Less serious. And I don’t think my creative peers understand my day-job life. So here I am, trying to balance on the see-saw. Working 9 to 5 and taking photos and blogging in my off time. Sometimes I can handle the balancing act and sometimes the see-saw falls to one side (Often times to the side of my job, because you know, paychecks and all that).
I become stressed when life fall out of balance . I feel like I failed. That I did something wrong. It can be a pretty bad spiral that I have to pick myself up from.
I am learning not to internalise my stops and starts with photography as a failure. Rather to see it as a creative outlet that is always there for me when I need it. I love goals and I will continue to set them. But when I fail to meet one, I need to understand that I have not failed. I just have not reached the end goal, yet.
These are the thoughts that are flooding my head as we approach a new year and it becomes time to make new years resolutions. 2015 will likely be a year of transition for me. A new job and less travel. I will likely have a lot of New Years Resolutions. I need to be less hard on myself. I will still strive to keep balance in my life but when life falls off klitter I need to remember, it is not about fault but about trying again.